holy fist.
is it being emotionally responsible to go to the beach with someone you've only known, well, less than a month. thank god my neighbor is an idiot and lets me steal their wireless.
ok. to answer my first question: yes, as long as it's free.
WHY can i not SLEEP?
and if you haven't seen grumpy or grumpier old men do so as fast as possible.
honestly, i wouldn't mind a heaping dose of grumpy old men.. thats what the world needs.
screw responsibility.

things that have filled my thoughts lately:
rosary beads, hail mary's, books: vonnegut, son-jara, e.pound, c.olson, ts eliot. and more. used clothing, style, my style, long hair, a boy with a crooked grin and a nervous twitch, vinyl: lots and lots and lots of blues and jazz and OLD folk/rock, grooving/jiving, sunglasses, cooking, him(dark hair, good voice), being a good gift giver, being a good friend, dreams, being a good lover (not in the erotic sense), photography, my vision and the lack there of, spending time in my bed, todo lists, what I need to document and how. so much more..

PLEASE LET ME KNOW IF YOU HAVE THE FOLLOWING:
-old photography equipment
-any film (used or unused)
-old/unwanted vinyl
-an unwanted typewriter (working)
-the ability to cut film to different sizes
vIdeO equipment: (a nEEd)
-good ideas, time, etc.
im broke but I can find a way to get you compensation. my word.
thanks.

finally.. a post I want to post:
last nite was NAK's 24th birthday. We ate with his parents and then he smoked a cigar while kenny and I puffed camel reds. then there was coffee in his new pot and baileys. We gave a toast and he gave a speech. We dressed up and took pictures and created fake Identities and ran around outside adn listened to GOOD music. The we burned a poster for Bob Dylan and pronounced "dylan is dead". along with shitty parts of my past. and with that a new year began. Im Cassady Carolina and my lover is the descendent of John lee Hooker.. hah. what a way to start a year.

i have met someone who has peeled back my eyelids. my god i am so lucky. we smoke and listen to records and we're just getting started.
i also found an oracle in ohelia and im meeting ezra pound .. this afternoon.

i dont know how to start..
but the world is changing and your either moving and shaking and doing or you're watching and I loathe the watching part.
so i started with one simple talk and now im free and im doing and its feels sooo good.

watched the bobby movie last night. the one where 6 people are dylan. i was in a bad mood and wanna go bad to the FARTST and rewatch it in a good mood. it made me restless and poor A was stuck in the car with me all the way home. what a good movie. what a man. what a mind.

i think im demanding too much. out of everyone except myself. and i can't forgive him but i dont want to share. there are some things you cant share. like firsts.

I dont know and im tired and im buying expensive boots for myself even though its christmas and i ve BEEN WITH the starving kids. i still want the expensive boots that clunk on hardwood floors and clooging shoes. cheap. second hand to kick and click in.

and a typewriter and a camera and someone who knows what i want and why.. and there wants are the same. dang it.

because im working in a business office i think of the general ledger everytime i see "post to journal" even though its "post to general ledger" in my world.
a-hum. the route 5 family band begins recording on the coast this week.
I am very very very excited. there may be hands being held as well.

im pretty excited. it's going to be amazing.. it really is.

i lied. no boy. and im not moving out of this chair. and best of all, no meat. or by products. ive never felt better. and 2 dollar shoes. and im a dj-ish thing now.

oh yeah. im recording.

don't worry, Ill be ok.

there's a boy. we're moving far away. i think we have different reasons why. it will be a few years. im tired of drawing people and im afraid ive drank too many energy drinks. i got caught in atlanta and i have to go to court with gangsters. oh my.

somedays, i really want to be a make up artist. just wanted to throw that out there.
and somedays, no matter how hard i try i still suck at school. somedays.

i quit. need a car. have a face ache.

making paper. not trusting. skipping class. watching birds.

valentines day SUCKS.. i feel it coming.. like a huge horrible thing...

mama is gonna help me make cards tonite :-)

i need to get to Nashville.. and put on a coat. the wind is ripping my layers off.

im in the right place, at the right time, doing the right things. Ive been reading a ridiculous amount of Georgia O'Keeffe biographies. Im sketching bodies for the firsttime. Im playing alittle more than scales. My lil bro and i are friends- he's smart, but he thinks plans are important.. maybe they are, but Im scared for him. I have the solitude I need, a huge amount of people dropping my name, and an even larger amount of people that don't really know me. The prophecies of Tim Nolan and the homeless man on battery hill are coming through, it's all on it way-
I am so happy, so content. I want KER to talk to, just to say it all so I know it's real. Im meeting some amazing people- without "networks" or "groups", just people for who they are.. its what it is yo.

christmas=
love. jill. letters to self. pictures. lacey. coffee. kitty kitty millie. old friends. guitar hero 2. paint. leggings. thermal underwear. nightgowns. chanel coco mademoselle. polaroid camera. joan baez. fiddle strings. my bro. bro's songs. recording. cars. nippy weather. missing old friends. Romans. resolutions. stencils. letters. break-ups. home. wood stove. cooking. wearing aprons. reading. Bob Dylan.

being content with simplicity-
and madness. and missin' boos. and lovin'.

I guess i leave soon. I do. I leave, I take a girl from Ethiopia to Warron Wilson.

"you are soemone else, i am still right here."

to do: pack pack pack, read, knit, paint, violin/fiddle, flute, cook breakfast for mamaw and papaw.

"If i could start again a million miles away, i would keep myself, I would find a way."

I cannot wait to see Mt. Mitchell meeting a december sky, stopping for real coffee and signing up for classes. I cannot wait to be reunited to what I know as pure, honest, true, loyal, innocent and kind. Then, i will drive for about 20 more minutes, listen to "goin' across the mountain" and roll my windows down.

i think i may be in love. with the drummer from teh Black Keys. i KNOW im in love with "the ones who never yawn or say a commonplace thing, but burn, burn, burn like fabulous yellow Roman candles exploding like the stars.." - Jack Kerouac

Tonite was beautiful. I met beautiful people (KER.WILL-D.HANHAN). ker took pics, will wanted to leave and hannah kept my "online community" busy. while i packed up what i brought to this lonely place.

It's that season- where you want to hug, feel yourself starting over, and feel a new beggining. That time when gifts mean nothing compared to the people who give them (or make them). I am so content knowing that soon I will be living with amazing musicians, carpenters, silkscreen makers, quilters, readers, movers and shakers and a male named millie. And I don't think I believe in Karma, unless it takes account for the heart. and motives. or the lack there of. I believe life is so much more than a merry-go-round of good and bad. so, my lunchroom conversation today was like everything else here... pretty fake. well, GOOD BYE to you. and see ya laterrr to those people that "have made me what I am" (even if they didn't do much. ) i love them. they have taught me relationships. friendship and shown guinuine kindness in it's concrete form. and they (ok..KER) has taught me that friendship is stronger than miles, and i am not scared.

2 forward. 5 back. 3 forward. 2 back. 2 forward. 4 back.

as is life. im never gonna have it figured out. and i kinda like it that way, i cant trust myself to not cheat if i knew where i was suppossed to end up.

i have NEVER been this broke before.
i have NEVER been this restless. unsure. behind.
and i have NEVER eaten this much soup in my entire life.

im getting ready to leave.
i just cussed in front of a pastor, ate soup for the 5 thousandth time and smell pretty bad.
i stood up a date before it happened and im gonna decorate someone elses chirstmas tree while mine stands in the living room 2 hours away. I half-way poured my heart out to someone who dosen't care and my best friend is awaiting. Im going to go edit some tight footage my dad took and bs my way to an A. However, I am far to happy with c's. they transfer. as long as it goes with me, i really dont care. Im listening to "dont go chasin' waterfalls" in Nepelese.
One more night in camel city..

to do:
laundry
clean
essays
fiddle tunes
tag some stuff before i roll out
see a sweet show
paint some more wine bottles
grab some paint
change my number.
go to church